


Dangling Conversation, The

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-04
Updated: 2005-03-04
Packaged: 2019-05-31 03:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15110936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: CJ loved him; she showed him all the time.  She put up with his moodiness, his scowling, and even his anger...80% of the time with a smile on her face.





	Dangling Conversation, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**The Dangling Conversation**

**by: Montiese**

**Character(s):** CJ and Toby  
**Category(s):** Drama  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** All the songs in this story are the property of Paul Simon. CJ and Toby are not, they belong to Aaron Sorkin, et. al.  
**Summary:** CJ loved him; she showed him all the time. She put up with his moodiness, his scowling, and even his anger…80% of the time with a smile on her face.  


“I'm in the middle of something.” He said. 

Toby did not even bother to look up from his laptop. CJ was used to the bipolar behavior so she ignored him. Closing the door, she sat down on his couch. 

“I’ll wait.” She crossed her legs. 

“It could be a while.” He replied. 

CJ sighed but said nothing. Instead of just staring him down, she focused her attention on the television. Steffi Graf was playing tennis…CJ knew from experience that her opponent was as good as done. Toby stole a glance at her and as soon as he looked, her eyes found his. Dammit, how did she do that? Which one of them would look away first? Her steely blue eyes were wearing him down. 

“I win!” she pumped her fist in victory. 

“This isn’t a game CJ, I am very busy.” He muttered. 

“You have 30 seconds to come over here and talk to me or I am yanking the laptop out of the wall and chucking it out the damn window.” 

Toby looked at her and she was wearing the classic ‘try me’ face. The last time he saw that face he ended up with a black eye and his arm nearly broken. God that was New York City, 1992. 

“Fine.” He relented. “What can I do for you?” 

“Stop talking to me like I am one of the people who grovel through your office on a daily basis. How much longer are you going to do that?” 

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” He said. 

CJ smirked. 

“Just cut the bullshit Toby and talk to me. If you want to hate me that’s fine but I am not leaving until you tell me to my face.” 

“I could never hate you.” Toby said. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” 

“I could never hate you CJ, and you know that. I just don’t want to talk to you right now.” 

“Toby, I never planned on falling in love with Leo. We are not doing this to hurt you.” 

Toby averted her gaze. The senior staff had been back from Miami for 2 weeks and CJ and Leo were walking around like love struck teenagers. She wore a massive diamond; he wore a massive smile of triumph. They did the press conference and the whole world knew of the engagement. Congratulations came from as far as Jordan. 

“Are you going to change your last name once you're married?” he asked. 

“What? Oh yeah, I am. Gloria Steinem would be pissed but I like the sound of Claudia McGarry.” 

“You’ll be CJ McGarry to everyone around here.” Toby said. 

“Tell me why you are dead set against our engagement; against the whole relationship.” 

Toby said nothing and they sat in silence. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” He said. 

“I am so happy Toby, how can you of all people deny me that? I thought we were friends…we are supposed to support each other in good and bad times.” 

“Why Leo?” Toby asked. 

“I have no idea, but it is Leo. Our relationship is not some fleeting sexual infatuation. We love each other and are going to be married.” 

Toby sighed. 

“He is like 20 years older than you, you know.” 

“Gee Toby, thanks for the update. You know what this is going nowhere. If you do not want to tell me the truth then stop running around as if I personally offended you. I would never do anything to hurt you, ever.” 

“Do you remember a long time ago in New York when we walked around all day talking about Simon and Garfunkel?” he asked. 

CJ looked at him. 

“I think we pretty much agreed that Bookends summed it up.” CJ replied. 

“I always thought it was The Dangling Conversation, but you never backed me up.” 

“Because I never understood why.” 

“There is so much between the lines with us CJ, so much unspoken and dangling in the air. Haven’t you felt it…ever?” 

“Of course I have.” CJ said. She was quiet for a moment. “We both know that love, that kind of love, is not in the cards for us. For God’s sake Toby, you just took off your wedding ring.” 

“Maybe I had a good reason to.” Toby replied. 

“No.” she held up her hand. “Don’t you dare say anything that we will both regret. How did the conversation get here?” 

“If I say it, will you come?” Toby asked. 

“Toby, you are not in love with me!” CJ exclaimed. “Why are we going down that road again?” 

“I love you.” Toby whispered. 

CJ moved closer and she could tell from his body language that Toby did not like it. 

“I love you too Toby; you're my best friend. You are not in love with me and you know it. You would deny me a chance with someone I love for your insatiable need to win. Are you afraid of losing me?” 

Toby did not answer and the silence was starting to get to CJ. She was used to him being stubborn, but at least then he would yell and gesticulate to get his point across. That was the major difference between Toby and Leo…Leo’s madness simmered under the surface and Toby wore his on his sleeve. 

“Is this personal toward Leo, or would any boyfriend of mine get that treatment?” CJ asked. 

“I hated Tad Whitney.” Toby said. He looked at her for the first time. 

“No fair Toby, I hated Tad Whitney. He did get me the great smoothie maker that Sam almost used to burn down my apartment.” 

Toby nodded, but the smile CJ expected to creep through did not. 

“I need time to get used to it CJ, OK? Just give me time.” 

“It has been nearly a year.” She replied. “You were fine in Miami…what’s the difference?” 

“No, I mean time to get used to you being married to him.” 

“That is not fair Toby. Did I act that way when you told me that you were marrying Andi?” 

“I have no idea; you were in California.” 

“Damn you!” CJ punched him hard in the arm. “You're a bastard.” 

She got up from the couch and went to stand by his desk. Toby absently rubbed his arm; the woman really had no idea how hard she hit. 

“Leo and I have a tentative relationship at best.” He said. “Do you think it will get any easier with you stuck in the middle? It has not been a year by the way…it has been eight months. At least eight months since you told me about it. So you know for sure after eight months,” he did the quote, unquote symbol with his hands. “that you want to marry a man approximately 20 years your senior, with an addiction to alcohol and valium, who happens to be your boss?” 

“Well when you say it like that Toby, I cannot wait.” CJ said. “The alcohol and pills were a cheap shot; you know how serious Leo takes his sobriety.” 

“We sang The 59th Street Bridge Song on that bridge.” Toby said. “And Bleecker Street on Bleecker.” 

CJ nodded. 

“You did a lousy job of hitting Art’s high notes on Bridge Over Troubled Water. Can we get back to the conversation at hand?” 

“I cannot stop you from doing whatever you want, CJ.” 

“I love him Toby, and I am not going to justify my feelings…not even to you. Please don’t make me choose between you and Leo.” 

“Would you choose him?” Toby asked. 

CJ closed her yes and one tear fell. 

“I don’t know.” She said. “That is the question that filled my mind for the past two weeks and I just don’t know. Don’t make me come to a decision like that.” 

Toby got up from the couch and stood in front of her. CJ reached out her arms; Toby embraced her. She pulled him tight and Toby took a deep breath. For as long as they had been friends, physical contact and emotional expression were not their forte. Banter and silliness was. While they had been there for each other through rough times, they always got through it with laughs, not tears. 

CJ was crying at a good clip now, and Toby felt guilty. CJ loved him, and she showed it all the time. She put up with his moodiness, his scowling, and even his anger…80% of the time with a smile on her face. Even after her affair with Leo began she did not change one iota from her cheeky, confident self. 

“Don't cry CJ. I’m sorry.” 

“I hate you.” She replied, pulling him tighter. 

“There is a long list; shall I place you at the top or the bottom?” 

CJ did not laugh, she just sobbed. Toby held her away from him. 

“I don’t want to lose you.” He said in a raw burst of honesty. ‘I don’t want to lose you to Leo, or to anyone.” 

“My life with Leo has nothing to do with our friendship. I know that the situation is weird but our friendship has survived weirder.” 

Toby nodded, wondering if she felt lost and abandoned when he fell in love and married Andi. Suddenly, he loved her more for never saying so if she had. He gently wiped her tears and kissed her face. CJ tried to smile. It was sad, but still beautiful. 

“I don’t want to fight anymore Toby. I love you, and I love Leo, and I cannot let this tear me in half.” 

“I love you too. I don’t know how I feel about all of this and I think I deserve time to work that out. I do know that you are important to me and that’s never going to change.” 

“So, the stalemate is over?” CJ asked. 

“I don’t know.” At least his answer was honest. “Do you want to go out and get plastered like we used to?” 

“Yeah. I have to see Leo first.” 

Toby nodded but said nothing. 

“See if Josh and Sam want to go.” CJ said. 

“I would really like it if it was just us CJ. I need to talk to you.” 

“OK.” She leaned to kiss his cheek. “Old Friends, Tobus, that’s our song.” 

She went out the door and down the hall. Toby watched as she walked away and knew that he was going to have to swallow whatever it was that would not let him accept the thing with Leo. He had to if that amazing woman was going to stay in his life. 


End file.
